Well! This is the Day 5 card and I have to say I am a bit flummoxed, for self-love doesn’t come easy to me. Blame it on the years of parental conditioning. Our household never saw expressions of love and communicating with each other was also not considered big.
The general rule of the house was “Do as you are told” and it brooked no arguments. I don’t remember hugs or kisses or praise in any form. There was loads of feedback – the critiquing kind and of course the endless (read mindless) comparisons.
“Look at A; she is so fair”
“Why can’t you be smart like B”
“If only you could sing like C or cook or dance or…………………”
It didn’t help with my self-confidence, I must confess. And then once the rebel surfaced (yeah teenage was turbulent), I became the surly questioner prefacing everything with “Why”
“Why can’t I do this”
“Why am I not allowed”
“Why am I denied, when he/she is not”
Oh yes…. the defiance had truly surfaced and when fear (strict parenting) dominated, the defiance dulled but didn’t quiet down. In fact it took on a more deadly face; self-destruction, albeit in a slow and quiet manner. I became a loner and the quiet one; exploding with anger at the drop of a hat. Frustration was key in me at that point in my life and it stayed with me for quite sometime.
So where and how would self-love develop?
It wasnt easy but through many failures, heartbreak and strength numbing events in my life; I was guided to a path of self-love of sorts when I made some tough decisions and stood by them; despite zero family support. I didn’t know then that it was self-love that I was practicing – I just knew I couldn’t endure anymore.
Then a year back I stumbled onto a meditation guide who invited me to her sunday open house here in Gurgaon and it was like I discovered the mothership. I am learning to love myself, forgive myself and above all accept myself as I am !!! Slow journey but getting there surely but steadily.
♥ I have realised the need for love and I say it all the time; especially to people who are comfortable to say it back. (There are not that many)
♥ I love to give and receive hugs- in fact I bask in them, trying to hold on as long as I can.
♥ I have set aside ME time in the day, when I just be with myself.
♥ I am making the effort to give myself leeway and not blame things on myself or feel guilty.
Do you believe in self-love? Do you practice it? Whats your take on it?