The monster on my mind [ #writebravely ]

I woke up with a start and realised there was someone in bed with me. My mind raced with the ludicrousness of this thought. How could someone be in my bed?

Yet I could feel the presence of another person; the body heat. I was paralysed with fear and tried to open my mouth to scream. Just then a hand clamped over my mouth while I was grabbed and turned sideways with a jerk to face this someone.

No No No!!!!! screamed my mind. This is not happening. There can’t be anyone in my room. How did he come up two flights of stairs through three locked doors? I didn’t hear him.

Dont tell me the maid left one of the terrace doors open and I also didn’t check.

While all these thoughts tumbled in my head, the figure moved to cover me and his hands groped me all over. I couldnt believe it still that this was real. I have to be in a dream as this is simply impossible. I was adamant in this thought yet the way I was being felt up was so real that I started sobbing.

Please God not this – this is not real! I cannot go through something like this! I had started crying really hard now.

Thats when I woke up!!!

I was in tears and my breath came in hard. I could still feel al lingering presence of someone and got up to switch on the lights, gulped some water and then ran out to check all the doors.

Safely locked!

As my racing heart calmed down, I thought of the horrific news I had seen just before going to sleep about a woman being raped and killed. This ugly monster of crimes against women rears its head every now and then without any remorse or check by the authorities. It grips me in fear of something like it happening to me.

I have come to realise that whenever I read or view such news, I end up in a nightmare on the same lines. I wake up traumatized and next few days I simply don’t want to step out of the house.

Why is this monster allowed to roam around so freely in our country? Be it bride burning, marital rape, physical abuse, rape, eve teasing, molestation…… It’s everywhere. No strata of society is spared by its depravity. Yet there is next to none check on it.

There are folks who step out with campaigns to “reclaim the right to public space” for women. Truth be told I have not gone for anyone of those and wont be doing so in future either.

I wish this monster could be put down with death punishment or chemical castration.

Maybe a vigilante could appear and vanquish these depraved souls.

Or maybe there could be a parallel universe where only women exist; the portal could be in one of the changing rooms of women’s wear store.

I can dream – cant I !! ?


How do you deal with news about crimes against women? Do you think death punishment is too harsh or just right?

disobedience-terminal-nostalgia-write-tribe-problogger-challenge-write-bravely-pattern-bankThis post has been written for the #writetribeproblogger challenge October 2017 and the prompt for today is Monster

If you would like to read the posts on previous prompts:

#writetribe #writebravely

I’m taking part in the Write Tribe ProBlogger Challenge

Linking it up with #MondayMusings with Corinne

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Passionate about everything design, I am in love with photography, travel and baking. My writing journey was initiated with my letter writing hobby as a child and has metamorphosised into serious blogging. I indulge with reading fantasy fiction, day dreaming and sipping good wine.

51 thoughts on “The monster on my mind [ #writebravely ]

  1. Wow, what a suspenseful story! Very well written. I feel the woman’s panic and fear of the homicidal rapist. I don’t think that the death penalty will bring the woman any peace, however. I live in a country where the death penalty is applied in a most horrible way. Too many people have been sentenced to death, only to be vindicated by DNA evidence. The justice system of any country is only as good as the humans who are a part of it, and mistakes are bound to happen. After someone has been executed, there is no chance to make it right. There has to be a way to punish a man who commits horrific crimes, without killing him.

    1. Thanks Alice- this actually happened to me one night! I cant describe how real it was and when I woke up the panic refused to go. I spent the entire night checking doors. I was living on the 2nd floor of a house where the main gate to the house had a lock, entrance to the building had a locked door and then the door to my house is also locked. I had 4 doors opening onto the terrace in various corners of the house and I spent the night worrying one of those doors is open!
      You are right about the fact that justice delivered is as good as its people but here in India the crime graph is so so high that maybe just maybe a VERY strict punishment is whats needed to lessen the crimes. We had such a horrific rape a few winters back and since then my fear has intensified a lot. I feel unsafe all the time wherever I am! I want this feeling to lessen! Maybe that alternate universe is not such a bad idea after all 😉

  2. It dismays me when I read traumatic news about women being assaulted or violated. It upsets my mood a lot though I don’t really have nightmares. I really wished that there was some saviour who could just eliminate evil and give women the basic right to live without fear.

    1. Ditto Rachna – wont it be amazing if we women could have a zap in our fingers. Just point at his nether ends and zap!!!! Sigh…………………

  3. I love the way you have conveyed your outrage over the unfairness of it all. The fear of molestaion and assault is a monster that lurks in every woman’s mind irrespective of age or nationality . I admire you Shalz for being so brave and vocal. It is only when people realise that crimes against women can’t be hidden behind ‘shame’ , ‘feelings of inadequacy or guilt’ and other burdens that force women ( both victims and observers) to keep quiet, will they stop.
    Strong women need to be heard !

  4. I think the subconscious does take in the things we last see or let affect us, and pull it into our dreams/nightmares. Though with such news being prominent, unfortunately so, I don’t know how these dreams/nightmares will change. It needs to, no doubt about that. For that, society needs to change too. That’s the thing that seems to be the stumbling block.

    1. Yes Vinay – news is more horrifying to us than enlightening these days! Its meant to shock and terrorise us and not make us aware! Miss the good old golden days of news when it wasnt such a hue and cry affair!

  5. Thank goodness that was only a dream. So true that the mind latches onto news and creates a nightmare. I too dream of a day when all of us can walk in peace and safety. Collective consciousness is very powerful so let’s channel our thoughts to peace and safety.

  6. This is one (among many reasons) that I do not read/watch any news or click on any item that speaks of rape or murder. My mind can’t process it. I endured significant suffering and hallucinations during my bipolar phase and the images from back then still haunt me. I really wish there would be a better way to end this kind of horror. Women deserve better. Human beings deserve better.

    1. Just yesterday I was discussing the safety inDelhi vs any other city with someone and I was like if rapes like Nirbhayata occur – the mindset will be that Delhi is such a horrific city to live in! My friend mentioned that he had seen the BBC documentary of the rapists and when they were asked if they had a chance in time in a similar situation would they do this again and they said YES!!! They had no remorse on their face – I didnt watch it and am not keen to watch it for the simple reason that the actual event is so firmly entrenched in my mind that it refuses to let anything else come in!! You are right Shy – human beings deserve better!!

  7. Given the attitudes, the lack of adequate security and the ease with which most men get away with these crimes, our fears are very real. I’m not sure what kind of punishment would act as a deterrent, but certainly a lot more can be done in terms of prevention. We can dream, but we can also speak out loudly.

    1. Yes Corinne speaking out is essential. But see the depraved men in our country who have mocked #METOO into #mithu (parrot speak) and trashed women for speaking up about sexual harassment and abuse by saying that they are defaming men! Just the other day a “gentleman” on twitter who is very into “women” bloggers (!!!!) had a fracas with me over this as he claimed “women who dont know how to enjoy sex, scream rape”. What do you do with such mentality? Such men have heckled/abused/trolled women who have spoken up on #METOO – There is a very disturbing article on it by two women from Northeast who were abused on a group on FB over this! Shocking read that was!

  8. In this war against monsters who live amongst and with us, we have to become our own superheroes. Raise your voice, scream, get violent, stop reining in your anger, and just let loose. Fight back, every single time!

    1. I agree Apeksha but fighting back comes with its own perils. I read a blog by a woman from the north east who along with one other woman was heckled/abused/trolled for speaking up on #metoo. This is on a FB group where the men were making fun of this hashtag in the guise of “punning” over it. When these women protested and requested them not to – they were abused so badly – that blog is shocking! The men were like depraved creatures out to tear off the clothes off these women and revelled in it – ateast a 100 peeps on that group abused these women while the admins kept mute! Shamefully disgusting and horrifying to read it as this is such shit! They went through the profiles of these women and made personal comments on so much of their life. I admire the women for fighting back while some urged them to leave the group!!! This is how fighting back was supported!! I hope these women do file a charge against them with the cyber crime!!

  9. This is exact state of helplessness which I face many times when think of ‘What is Wrong with OUR society?’ this is the very same society where we grew up playing in neighborhood with many uncles, aunts, brothers, family friends.
    But at the same time, I don’t feel safe even to allow her to speak to ancillary staff? The Monster is definitely out there on prowl ready to pounce but the issue is – What will contain my fear.
    Still searching for a satisfying response. #MeToo & many like me to..

    1. Monster is out there everywhere. I just went through a nasty time with a certain gentleman on twitter over the #metoo hashtag. Look at that pervert’s mindset and he appears to be literate and educated, a man from a supposed good family background but the mind of a gutter. I was shocked at his depravity online and then got messages from other women over what he has been saying/doign to them too! Damn!! This monster lurks out in the open and is strutting around blatantly!!! Monsters abound around us – we need a parallel world to survive in or simply very severe laws – neither are in sight!!

  10. Your writing is riveting. Such concerns is legitimate taking into account what happens outside or someone entering a lady’s house. The lawyer Priyadarshini Mattoo was brutally hacked to death when the security guard couldn’t rape her. It’s chilling when someone is not safe in her home. The main issue is implementing the law, lack of awareness, education and of course misplaced sex education where everyone is shy of speaking and parents making it legitimate, he is a guy.

    1. Agree Vishal- all of these cases from Shivani SIngh, Priyadrashini Matoo and Ruchira Girhotra – all are about the law not being endorsed properly and effectively by the govt/adminstration! Women are so safe in every part of India and need to be constantly on alert – both in public and at home too!

    1. Yes Z its becoming so so unsafe and terrifying for women to be out there! I am glad it was a nightmare too though it was too real!!

  11. I have been through such horror in my life for real shalzz and i can so relate to what you expressed. And it feel horrible that going through such experience made me strong and it didn’t come to me naturally. It brought back some of my worst nightmares..if only it was a nightmare for real and would vanish once i wake up!
    No punishment would justify such heinous act according to me…Death penalty would be going too easy on such people as they would not feel the pain as much as their victims have felt and suffered!

    1. Ah Keerthi hugs for that girl! i wouldnt wish it on my wrost enemy. I pray you stay strong and vibrant in your soul to not let this get you down ever!
      Yes death punishment is too little for them but it will give the victim some catharsis as nothing can ease the horror completely but knowing that he is no longer out there to hurt her again can be a balm to the confidence!

  12. What a compelling story. Yes, it is disheartening that crime against women are happening unabated. Such monsters are far too many. But, we can dream of an utopian world like you said. Great writing!

  13. What a nightmare, Shalini! Many among us are living this nightmare one way or another. We have to fight and care ntinue fighting because accept it or not there isn’t anyone to help the women and children from getting abused. We are our saviours. May there be no such nightmares ever for anything one, in sleep or in reality.

  14. Yes, it would definitely be fabulous to have a parallel universe for women. Each day reading these gory stories just pushes our confidence low. Stepping out of our homes is becoming increasingly hard. I appreciate that you could word our thoughts so well and bravely. How I wish that these perverts/monsters looming large could be given such punishment for life.
    Sudha

  15. I had a similar dream some time back, and it sent shivers down my spine! My heart bleeds for the women who have to go through it in real life! The trauma is never going to leave them in peace, ever! But, the perpetrators will roam scot-free, thanks to the laxity of the law of this land.
    I too wish sometimes we had a different universe just for women….I dream of it too!

  16. Over here, while it’s not so much about violence against unknown women, there’s a lot of domestic violence in the news. I’ve had to take a break from reading the news or watching it as it was starting to affect me mentally. Patriarchy is a problem world over and sadly, as a result, so is violence against women. I fear sometimes, I won’t live to see it end.

  17. I used to read only about accidents earlier and explain about it in detail. That was once upon a time. My dad asked me why I was interested in such detail and what makes me talk about this so much. Truly, that time I didn’t know, I believe, I was too scared and worried about all this. Similarly, so many crimes happen everyday and I am so scared about all that. I have quit reading anything like this and just pray for good. I am trying to get rid of the negativity in me and manage to pass on that little bit of goodness. Somehow, I have made up my mind that the world is for all goodness. I was worried reading your post. Take care Shalini. It’s scary.

  18. Shalini, i support chemical castration also for such monsters. when they feel the pain they would understand. reading about rapes practically daily is a horrifying . excellent take on the prompt.

  19. Yesterday’s incident at Vizag was shocking. Crimes against women are growing unabated. I really wish, there was a way to banish these monsters from our society!

    1. It was horrific and I kept thinking if I was one of the bystanders what wouldhave I done. Would I have had the guts to kick this guy off her? I am stunned by the depravity of everyone there. That poor woman must be so traumatized – I hope this guy gets death for this!! Even that is less I feel!

  20. I know how you feel Shalini. Even I keep imagining the worst possible scenarios, whether I am outside or in the security of my own home. In fact when I was traveling alone for work outside Mumbai, I took to sleeping with a scissors next to my bed because I kept thinking that the hotel staff obviously have master keys to all the rooms. And still I couldn’t sleep peacefully!

    1. Oh god that sounds stressful. I remember once sleeping in a hotel room with the chair under the door knob and for the longest time I sat on the bed watching the door convinced someone will come in as soon as I nod off!!! The things we women go through to get through our day is just not funny!!

    1. I hear you Aditi; I too have given up on reading newspapers and watching TV news but no escape yet from twitter!!! 😉 It sure is depressing and scary out there!

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