BarAThon, Blog Challenge

Of Ice and Men – Branding women as Frigid or a Tease | #BarAThon |

This picture was captured by a thoroughly enchanted me who couldn’t seem to get enough of the snowy views in Kashmir. | Capture date: Jan 2017 | Location: Gulmarg |

Act 1 / Scene 1

” This hot pink one is going to knock his socks off, guaranteed!” coaxed my shopping companion.

“I don’t know… isn’t it like too see-through? I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. After all its my first date after the breakup and I know I am not ready for something major just as yet,” I was dilly dallying the inevitable for arguing with my Gay bestie over clothing was a no-win every time.

“Thats the whole point, darling! Make him wild for you. Please tell me you still have that Victoria’s secret brassiere we order binged last time during our mad wine session?” he cajoled some more.

Oh what the hell!! I need all the arsenal I could get to bolster my confidence. After all it was a long fraught 5 year divorce battle that was over and I could finally think of getting on with my life. And a date with a new guy was a step in the right direction.

Act 2 / Scene 1

Palms sweating, I was texting all my besties as I was too nervous to go out on this date, now that the day was here.


Courage woman Courage, I thought to myself as I hurriedly grabbed the wine bottle for one last sip and then gathered my stuff to sail out.

Act 2 / Scene 2

I could see him seated at the wheel, drumming his fingers impatiently as I struggled to open the uber heavy door of his SUV. Damn! He didn’t even get out of the car to greet me or even open the door for, I mentally pouted!

“So we are going out? I thought we could stay in?” he grunted at me.

A. No “wow you look amazing!” 

B. I was clear we are going for a drive and coffee. Maybe later we will see what to do was left hanging in all our texts so far.

“Shit he is expecting IT on a first date!!!!” 


I smiled and flicked my hair hoping he would notice and say something nice. No dice! Ohhh-kkkay I could no longer kid where this was headed and we were still to exit my condo society as we were circling the long perimeter.

“I think I want to go back to my place!!” As soon as the words were out, I knew I had made a blunder for he perked up with a grin and spun the car in a wide arc, racing it to my tower.

Shit! Moron! Now what are you going to do Ms Smarty pants in see-through-hot-pink-top-with-uber-sexy-you-know-what which he is yet to acknowldge!!!!

Act 2 / Scene 3

As I got off, I was thankful for all the wine in my system for I could muster enough courage to politely explain to him that this was a mistake as I am in no mood to have sex, whereas that’s all what seems to be on his mind.

His furious expression made me glad I had gotten out of the car first and the tower guard was visible.

“Bitch!! You are such a goddamned tease. Or wait is it that you are frigid? No wonder your husband left you, you bloody Ice maiden!!!! I so want to make you repent for what you did to me tonight” he spat out with enough venom to take out ten cobras.

Come support this initiative with your opinion if you feel strongly about body/image shaming; for I am hosting folks writing their experiences, opinions on this topic on my blog for next few weeks.

This post has been written for the second prompt of the #BarAThon ” Of Ice & Men” – So dear readers, whats your take on a woman’s right to say “My body, My rules” ? Or is she a tease in the first place, begging for it?


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40 thoughts on “Of Ice and Men – Branding women as Frigid or a Tease | #BarAThon |

  1. I wish men would take responsibility for their feelings rather than always pinning it on the woman – they behaved in a certain manner because of the way she looked or the way she talked or what they thought she meant. Such absolute rubbish. And when they don’t get what they thought they had been promised they get nasty. I like that she took a quick route out of that ‘date’.

    1. Thanks so much for your heartfelt thoughts for the woman. And you are bang on with your opinion!! Cheers

  2. Awesome one Shalz! Loved the use of the pink see through top to bring to light the issue of body shaming. You wear a short skirt you are asking for it. This bloody misconception needs to be shoved out of the window

    1. I am so happy to hear that Akshata – precisely what I was pointing out! We are so hesitant to dress as we want in the first place, fearing all the shaming we will be subjected to if we do! We have to change from within us; we have to own our choices first!!! High-Five!!!!!

  3. Very intense Shalini and a great endeavour to spread awareness on body/image shaming. I will try joining if possible. Lots of experience on this. 🙂

    1. Oh you have made me so so so happy by saying so Ranjini; my whole purpose of doing this theme is to generate awareness and get mor and more people to write on it! Please do join in as I am planning to keep it open for another month!! Look forward to connecting more on this! 🙂

    1. Thanks so much Gravadee – exactly what I am trying to put across here! But even women need to own up to their choices and not be worried what the man thinks; not to give in to that thinking!

  4. Sadly, a very real and true post. Men do look to justify losing out on opportunities with women and the easiest way is to cut with a dozen knives, hoping one will land… a woman’s failed relations, her sexuality, looks and weight are the easiest targets.

    1. Yup a man’s ego is so so fragile and his intelligence so low that the only way to think is this! Its sad to go through it as a woman but the saddest part is accepting it as I am the woman!!! I feel women who put up with this behaviour and attitude are also contributing to this mindset by keeping quiet!

  5. Imagine the kind of ego they must be carrying, to not even understand a No. I really hope we have more of broad minded responsible men who can understand that no women asks for it. Loved this powerful post.

    1. So good to see you read and comment here Raj – absolutely agree with your thoughts. The question is how to encourage women to own their choices and not let themselves be bogged down by this putting down! What say?

  6. That was so uncalled for! If she had given in, the next day he would make her out to be a slut. Now she is ice maiden. What is with guys that a show of a little skin makes them weak in their knees and hard somewhere else? :-/

    1. Agreed Varsh – otherways he would have condemend her for her behaviour while in no ways judging his own contributions in it! Cheers

  7. Why can’t people understand that women dress for themselves? I hate it when people say ‘she asked for it”. Sadly we are all made to feel ashamed of our bodies and magazines, advertisers and a whole load of others are all party to it.

    1. I feel we women dont want to un-condition from our years of being taught to think so. We put up wth this attitude too and condemn other women in similar manner too! Dont we indulge in innocent mental judging of our own when we look at other women in public spaces and how they are dressed?

  8. It would be a nice day when women can wear what they want how they want and not ‘give’ any signals.Why do when men wear shorts or lungis, is considered cool, butif a woman will wear something on similar lines, shes fast. And, thats not enough. I wore suits all my school (post class10) and guess what name I got? Bhenji!

    1. Oh the labels from school were epic and so hurtful too! I hear you on the behenji!!!! Our school uniform changed from skirts to suits too in 8th std – thanks to some moral policing from someone! We all looked, felt and thought so low of ourselves because of it and hated the uniform a lot!

  9. We dress up for ourselves not for anyone else. It makes us feel confident. And no matter how sexy we are, no matter how much we may flirt, it still does NOT mean it’s an open invitation for sex. When we want to have sex, we’ll let them know. It really shits me that some men seem to think we owe them sex!

    1. Yesssss and we need to own up to that choice on our own!! Sadly we give into the social mindsets and limit ourselves by hesitating and looking for others opinion to tell us how good or bad we are looking and the whole circle begins from there…..

  10. Great post! If he just wanted sex he could have hired an escort. Just assuming that because a woman is divorced she is an easy target just shows his cheap mentality. A very sad and dark truth that many single women encounter, with or without sexy clothes.

  11. That’s a powerful one and so close to reality, Shalini. Body shaming and labeling women is something that should really, really stop. It’s time, men take stock of their actions and prejudices that keep multiplying in their head.

  12. First of all, thank god she got out of the car and then turned him down. Secondly, the guy deserved a tight slap on his face, if not more. Why do they get the feeling that we women are dressed to impress them? We do it for ourselves, and even if we do it for them, they have no right to force themselves on us…just accept a NO as NO! The ego they are blessed with turns them into beasts!

    This post was so good, Shalz! I always find your posts the no-holds-barred, bold kind of posts that need to be shared and read extensively.
    Well done, girl!

  13. Such a sad reality, isn’t it, Shalini that inspite of the strides we’ve made, we women still have to put up with such things! Loved every bit of what you mentioned about how vile men can get when they are rejected. There must come a time when women can say No and men are able to accept it and move on.

  14. Sigh. It’s always the woman’s fault, isn’t it? Easier to pass the blame than accept responsibility. Sigh.

  15. This is such a great post, Shalini. Truly profound. I could imagine what the lady would’ve gone through. It is maddening to know that we have to go through such scenarios in life almost every single day!

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