Blog Challenge, My View, TLC

#NaBloPoMo: Day #14: Soul – Cleanse the inside

#NaBloPoMo

inspiration-deck-kashmira-mody-life-coach-benares-mind-body-soul-sammati-balance-#nablopomo-blogbuddy-blogging-campaignEvery once in a while our faith is tested. I know mine was and it seemed as if the test  broke me apart. I was so sure I could not be out together again – kind of like Humpty Dumpty.

I had my crying spells and just wanted to be left alone. Going to bed and not waking up again seemed like the only thing I was managing well. The listlessness, the despair and the depression – there was this intense gray colouring my vision, thoughts and world.

I could not see a way out. It was as if I had fallen into a pool of deep water with very little light in it and I was just sinking through it while memories and people flashed by. The darkness was so comforting as was the water. The numbness and soundlessness felt safe and I let it take me all in.

Soon it was part of my life and when I got used to it, the pain returned. It no longer comforted. That’s when I took to conversation with God. Well, initially it was more of ranting than talking but soon the monologues became a bit rational.

I would go for long drives on my own, all the while talking to him, much to the utter astonishment of other motorists, I am sure who would have wondered what the….. 

I moved into a place of my own and would spend all my time keeping up the dialogue, no matter what I was doing or which room I was in.

There were times when I yelled, matter of fact, still do. Infact I used the most brilliant cuss words (hindi ones) with absolute relish while fighting with him (yeah I am convinced god is a man) and have no guilt whatsoever of doing so.

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It’s catharisis. It’s healing. It’s comforting.

I can’t explain the how and why of it but I just know that whenever I start talking to him, I feel better. It’s like an act of letting go; or like I have put it away for a while in a safe place and will come back to it later when I can handle it all.

Maybe that’s called praying???

Do you talk to god? What do you call it?


 November 2016 is my month to participate in the NaBloPoMo with Blogher

I am also participating in Blogbuddy 3.0 with Blogchatter and my team is called Inkmagic

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14 thoughts on “#NaBloPoMo: Day #14: Soul – Cleanse the inside

  1. My process of talking with the Universe is almost the same as yours. I speak as if I am talking to myself and listen as if I am listening to my vest friend. Praying or whatever you call it, its something that most of us do!

  2. I talk constantly to myself silently and some times loudly. At times I have been tested so much that I felt god never existed, had he one wouldn’t have been in so much pain. But then everything happens for a reason. One never appreciates good times had he not seen bad. So, now I talk a lot to him, sharing all the small joys and sorrows. Thanking him.
    P.S. Going to read other posts. Meanwhile **Hugs**
    P.P.S I don’t like the Prisma editing quite though.

    1. Hugs right back at you wonderwoman. I love it when you drop by. I am so happy and relieved to see so many people liking this post and agreeing with it.
      PS: Will await your comments 😉
      PPS: Thanks for this feedback on the pics- let me take this up with you on a DM – I will be most happy to talk about this. No one has so far said anything. And I am completely berserk over Prisma 😉

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