#NaBloPoMo
Every once in a while our faith is tested. I know mine was and it seemed as if the test broke me apart. I was so sure I could not be out together again – kind of like Humpty Dumpty.
I had my crying spells and just wanted to be left alone. Going to bed and not waking up again seemed like the only thing I was managing well. The listlessness, the despair and the depression – there was this intense gray colouring my vision, thoughts and world.
I could not see a way out. It was as if I had fallen into a pool of deep water with very little light in it and I was just sinking through it while memories and people flashed by. The darkness was so comforting as was the water. The numbness and soundlessness felt safe and I let it take me all in.
Soon it was part of my life and when I got used to it, the pain returned. It no longer comforted. That’s when I took to conversation with God. Well, initially it was more of ranting than talking but soon the monologues became a bit rational.
I would go for long drives on my own, all the while talking to him, much to the utter astonishment of other motorists, I am sure who would have wondered what the…..
I moved into a place of my own and would spend all my time keeping up the dialogue, no matter what I was doing or which room I was in.
There were times when I yelled, matter of fact, still do. Infact I used the most brilliant cuss words (hindi ones) with absolute relish while fighting with him (yeah I am convinced god is a man) and have no guilt whatsoever of doing so.
It’s catharisis. It’s healing. It’s comforting.
I can’t explain the how and why of it but I just know that whenever I start talking to him, I feel better. It’s like an act of letting go; or like I have put it away for a while in a safe place and will come back to it later when I can handle it all.
Maybe that’s called praying???
Do you talk to god? What do you call it?
November 2016 is my month to participate in the NaBloPoMo with Blogher
I am also participating in Blogbuddy 3.0 with Blogchatter and my team is called Inkmagic
A very interesting concept.Soul cleansing.I believe we need to do it daily.
Oh YES!!! Agree wholeheartedly with that Amz- Do you do it?
My process of talking with the Universe is almost the same as yours. I speak as if I am talking to myself and listen as if I am listening to my vest friend. Praying or whatever you call it, its something that most of us do!
Thanks so much Jai – feels good to know so! 🙂
Gosh! How many times have I done that 🙂 🙂
I’m catching up with reading, Shalzy. Giving you a lot of comment and share love <3
Ha ha!! Yes and isnt it just so refreshing. More power to you. Loving the love Shalzz
Oh Wow! Seems like a great way to get out your stress! Shalz loved you way of getting de stressed
Ha Ha Thanks Menaka – to each her own – right?? 😉
I talk to myself all the time, sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud. It helps me calm down. 🙂
Hey Vinitha – thats the trick to do it right? Am so glad people are not finding me loco 😉
I talk to God too buddy and find it so comforting. It helped me sail through the loss of my mom 11 years ago and I still resort to it.Glad you brought this one up.
Hey Roma, Hugs for your loss. I cant even imagine what its like. Happy to see such a positive response to my post.
I talk constantly to myself silently and some times loudly. At times I have been tested so much that I felt god never existed, had he one wouldn’t have been in so much pain. But then everything happens for a reason. One never appreciates good times had he not seen bad. So, now I talk a lot to him, sharing all the small joys and sorrows. Thanking him.
P.S. Going to read other posts. Meanwhile **Hugs**
P.P.S I don’t like the Prisma editing quite though.
Hugs right back at you wonderwoman. I love it when you drop by. I am so happy and relieved to see so many people liking this post and agreeing with it.
PS: Will await your comments 😉
PPS: Thanks for this feedback on the pics- let me take this up with you on a DM – I will be most happy to talk about this. No one has so far said anything. And I am completely berserk over Prisma 😉