Years ago, I was in the midst of a personal relationship that had become more misery than happiness. It was draining my self-esteem and depression had started to steep into my core. I was finding it easy to just let things be and bury myself in the depths of despair as fighting was too hard and I didn’t seem to have the strength to pull myself out.
One day a small incident led to some words and before I knew it, the dam had burst. Rather a blindfold was lifted off my sight and I could see myself from the eyes of a third person; almost like an out-of-body experience. The thought that flashed in the head of “that” person was – “Whoa! why is she destroying her life?”
That moment was the ignition point that my mind needed to find the Inner Strength to really see things and find perspective. I realised at that point that nothing was going to change and things will go on like this, if I let them be. I needed a lot of strength to put myself first and realise how my life was being ruined for me.
These thoughts snowballed some action in my head and before I knew it, Self-Love took over. I saw the need to put myself before anyone else – parents, spouse, family, friends, neighbours……. and just take stock of the situation from my viewpoint alone.
Sanity returned to my mind when I made the Decision to walk out of that house of misery and took the first step towards my happiness by doing just so.
Did I face opposition? Oh Yes! plenty of it. Hardly found anyone on my side. But I didn’t let it deter me as my Self-Belief was strong as was my Faith in the almighty who I felt was guiding me through it all.
My plan was clear – get self-reliant in terms of finances and Trust my instincts in finding the right job, home and city for myself to be in.
Depression still pressed on, but now I was Determined to not feel guilty and allow myself the grief that I thought was not mine to dwell in.
Getting up everyday and going to work, eating food and just being able to converse with people was a huge chore for me and some days I wouldn’t even get out of bed. Other days I would make plans to go out and treat myself with shopping or just ice cream.
Thanks to some wonderful people in my life, I found the right legal help to sort out the mess. I also found the support to stand in a court of law by myself and go through the process. All of it was made possible because I found the inner strength to ask for help.
Through it all I was determined to not be bitter or hurtful and wished for the entire process to be amicable and peaceful. I found it in my heart to be Grateful to just have the strength to get out of it; rather than curse my fate for getting into it.
I am thankful that as a human being I had the faith to believe that things will get better; there is a better and higher plan for me.
Linking up this post for Day #15 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge