Why must you judge my choices? [ #MondayMusings ]

I was hugging myself happily in anticipation of getting ready. For you see, today I would wear that dress which I had ordered online and worked very hard to fit into. Yay!!!! 

Slipping into the dress, I twirled a little in from to the mirror, loving how it flared up and then fell softly around my knees. An off shoulder affair with very frilly tie ons, I loved how it showed off the tattoo on my back.

Floating on air (for I knew I looked good), I stepped into the living room where my parents were dressed and waiting for me. Beaming, I picked up my bag and headed for the door when my mom called out is this what you are going to wear for today?

All my happiness leaked out like air escaping a punctured balloon!

Why oh why does my mom do this to me every time; for you see my mom thinks I wear overtlyy “revealing” clothes. But that’s a story for another day, what I really wanted to talk about here was why do we get so conscious when someone fingers our choices?

I was so sure I was looking good – right? Then why did this comment from my mom make me cringe and hate it immediately?

Why can’t I stay confident in my choices?

Besides, I know her too well. So either I shouldnt have worn something like this or be prepared to hear her comment and handle it with equanimity.

Why do I go to pieces over it every time, over every choice thats questioned? Why do I feel pressurised to justify them?

Ah! this is the long-suffering tale of parental conditioning which further stems from the outdated notions the Indian society has imposed on its denizens. And it’s not just parents but well-meaning friends and peers too who will try to tell you why your choices are not the right ones.

Their insistence to “fit- in” baffles me to the core.

By what standards are they measuring my choices? Even they don’t know for I often hear, “this is the way everyone does it. Why can’t you?”

Never mind that they may be doing ten things which don’t conform to the societal norms but then they are clever and hide it. Innocent till proven guilty!

I want to lash out at all of them to mind their business; are you sure all is well there? More importantly I need to back my way of life and stand up for myself without the fear of being judged or ostracised.

But then I dont want to feel isolated and cut off either. I do connect with like minded peeps on and off who bloster my confidence. We are a “Limited edition” tribe till the judgement stops or atleast lessens.

It’s a permanent stand-off (for now) and we are faced with it everyday in every way of our life; I just wonder if the women single women divorced and single women have to deal with it more?


Whats your personal experience/opinion on this?

Do you have the courage to stand up to your choices?

Are you stressed to conform everytime?

Linking up with Corinne for #MondayMusings

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My blog will turn one year as self hosted and to celebrate this milestone, I have planned a GIVEAWAY all the month of september! Details as below:

we are Inviting creative #guestposts on first-birthday-giveaway-blog-blogging-self-hosted-shalzmojosays-prize-guestpost-writing-promotion
#fiction
#travel
#books
#food
#selflove
1) One giveaway #winner announced every week of #september
2) Everyone can participate but #prizes will be mailed to an #Indian address.
3) All decisions will be final.
4) Must be following my blog & Instagram account.
5) Tag 3 folks on my insta post for the giveaway
6) Please submit original content; no backdated posts.

Submissions:

 1st september 2017 for Week #1
7th september 2017 for Week #2
14th september 2017 for Week #3
21st september 2017 for Week #4
 
🍥 a special prize for some interesting comments on my blog posts 🍥
 
🎡 one prize to my most consistent reader in last one year🎪
 

So what are you waiting for? Put on your thinking cap and type away…. ☘

 

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Passionate about everything design, I am in love with photography, travel and baking. My writing journey was initiated with my letter writing hobby as a child and has metamorphosised into serious blogging. I indulge with reading fantasy fiction, day dreaming and sipping good wine.

31 thoughts on “Why must you judge my choices? [ #MondayMusings ]

  1. Ask me about it! I battle thousands questions on M for Marriage. I am fed up of answering or my positions on my causes such as live-in or legalization of homosexuality or prostitution. For once, I am not homosexual but you can imagine this reaction. I’ve been told whether I go to prostitutes and I am like may be yes or not. How it matters when I am speaking about the right to human dignity. You need to be yourself and nowadays, I have stopped arguing for it sucks your energy, If you feel wear a short skirt, just flaunt it. How does it matter? You cannot stop people from gazing at you. It’s not your issue. Got amazing legs, show it. You cannot control or put a check on people’s perception. But, you know this society we live in, cannot stop people from thinking.

  2. Oh this was often a bone of contention for Mom and me – not the revealing cloths – but the fact that she thought I was not sufficiently dressed up – and it was always just before I left home. And yes, my husband often reminds me that I should not care what people say. This applies to all aspects of our lives. I’ve learnt to let go of caring about others’ opinions, but family still manages to get me sometimes!

  3. I don’t what it is with us women, we lose all our confidence if someone questions our appearance or clothes.I try to make myself immune but still fall prey to it.

  4. Shalz, whatever you do, people are always going to have a problem with it. As I was reading your post, a wicked thought entered my mind. The next time you have to go for an outing or somewhere, why don’t you wear a burka, or a nauwari (Maharashtrian style ) saree…you will be all covered up. See how that affects people! On a serious note, if you really do this, people will ask why you want to suffocate yourself/why are you suddenly going all ethnic, or some such thing.
    People are never, ever going to be satisfied by what you do, so as well do what satisfies you! YOU matter, don’t you?
    Hugs, sweetie!

  5. I feel less pressure these days as I have been known to break the stereotypes. Mom has always been cool with my dresses. Sometimes, when I decide that the neckline is too low, she tells me ‘Oh no! That is the beauty of this dress!’ 😀 Even friends don’t comment much either because they know I give a damn or because they are simply used to my queer clothes. But I do hear friends comment on others’ clothes and some of them feel the need to justify what they wear.

  6. My pet peeve … Why do I have to justify my choices, my decisions? Over the time period, I have realized the fault is mine. Just to make sure that our near and dear ones are not hurt, I tend to buy their views and hence end up justifying myself. But not any more… thankfully! Probably because of the fact that now I have crossed my forties!! With age, I have realised that before making anyone else happy, I need to be happy… and this can happen only when I stop justifying and start following my heart!
    A very engaging read!
    And before I leave… many congratulations to you for successfully completing one turn around the sun in this virtual world! Keep blogging! All the best for future…
    – Anagha From Team MocktailMommies
    http://mocktailmommies.blogspot.in/2017/08/dinner-time-investments.html

  7. Great to celebrate a birthday. Congratulations. And moms are like that. Even though I feel deflated when my mom makes me feel like a worm, I forget it very conveniently when I tell off my daughters too.

  8. There was a time I would get really upset with other people’s opinions. I still get upset sometimes but now I am much more confident of my choices and a negative opinion doesn’t bother me as much. I think we all reach a point in life when what others think or feel about our choices shouldn’t hold as much importance. Your post made me think, Shalini. A good one there.

    1. Thanks so much Parul and welcome back. I missed you, hope your trip was swell!!
      Yeah having confidence in my choices is the best way to face this I guess!! 🙂

  9. This is so true… So often we get affected by how people will judge us or perceive us.. Even though we don’t want to.. Or we know their opinions don’t really matter…. But it’s always nagging us at the back of our minds.. I guess that what we’ve seen around us. And it’s going to need a lot of conscious change of thought process to eventually condition ourself to believing in just ourselves..

    1. Exactly!! Thank you so much for saying so! Btw I tried heading to your blog and cant see much on it. Pls do share a link of one of your recent posts, I would love to read you too!! 🙂

  10. Ahhh that external battle with parents on clothes… It ever seems to end… Sometimes I feel they care too much… Like they don’t want anyone to perceive you as a bad person because of your clothing, so they try as hard as possible to make you conform to the rules of society. It’s ridiculous I know. Congratulations on completing 1 year . Hey you should totally share a photo on instagram… I really want to see it

    1. Ha ha ha pic of that day is not there at all now; I deleted it woman!! such was my angst over it!!
      Thanks for your wishes Raj – it feels amazing to know I have travelled so far.
      Yes this battle with parents is an ever going one and something I need to make peace with soon!!

  11. Divorced and single women! Wait I will give you a new category – married but single women. This is not an unheard type of category these days yet subject to all kinds of judgments. You know the story how it is.
    People and especially moms can never leave you alone. My mom has a problem with me that I never dress up adequately and appropriately. Years ago, in college, I would insist on getting kurtas (salwar-suits) stiched in such a manner that it would cover every inch of the body they were meant to cover and my Mom fretted at my intentions citing the bad Delhi summer as one of the issues.
    I wish I could contribute in some way to the guest posts, but I don’t think I write anything better than apart from my life’s stories. Congratulations on the 1st blog anniversary.

    1. Oh my now thats a new one for me; shall chat up privately to know more about how this category is and why is it so!! Thank you for supporting my thought process on this post; judgement is never easy to take and one can never satisfy all despite confirming to most!!
      I would love a post of your life experiences under the self-love heading – do give it some thought pls. Thanks so much for your wishes 🙂

  12. I could well relate to your feeling, Shalz. But you can be confident on your choices always. I am like that only. And big congrats for your blog anniversary. Love to submit my guest post on the topic self love.

  13. Congratulations for the milestone Shalz your blog is a beautiful place and I kind of connect to it reading such liberating posts.

    How true when you mentioned- why last minute comments on our dress up or attitude matters us so much. Let me give you my example – being a girl from North India, my conditioning is more for society’s sake than personal. What will they think/what will happen when you do this etc. During my school days, i was stalked by a boy while coming back from friend’s house – i was wearing short frills skirt. Post reaching home, i narrated whole incident to my mom when granny said – you wear such clothes and then cry foul – ladke na peecha kiya. That’s it, it was my last day of skirts.
    After decades of that incident, even today when I wear short skirts – my heart skips a beat gauging other’s reactions. We need liberty to dress up, think, learn, act behave & most importantly LIVE.

    Being a mother, today I make sure not to bring any such notions to my daughter.

    1. Thanks so much Dipika; happy to note the praise 🙂
      God that sounds awful – you must have been so scared. And how true that we are scolded for our attire in such times; I can so empathise with you on this! Glad to know you havent let it scar you in anyways and are liberal with your daughter!! Wear a skirt and kick your high heels in liberation Dipika!! 🙂

  14. I feel this is the story of my life! Every time I pull off a dress, my husband is the first person to make a face..’why can’t be dressed as normal? Why do you have to do everything in excess? Why is it so hard for you?’.. etc etc…. All I do is hear from one ear and take it out from another 😛

    I wonder, why is dress such a big deal for so many people? And I, most of the times end up with a choice different than what the society does… why is it such a problem? And I don’t do it deliberately to be honest… it just happens you know!

    I can feel those emotions you went through when your mom commented and all I can say is live your life the way you want!

    Cheers

    1. Thanks Geet; I could feel your pain while reading your words! Hang in there and will give you the same advise you gave me 😉

  15. Loved your post. There are so many people who judge you by the clothes you wear, the way you speak of the way your personality is, it’s high time we stop doing that.

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