#MondayMusings, Blog Challenge

Disobedience [ #WriteBravely]

” When you know how to use it, Disobedience can be a virtue.” – Paulo Cohelo


The dictionary definition of the word Disobedience is a failure or a refusal to comply to rules or someone’s authority. I found some delish sounding synonyms of this word too which had my tongue-tied up in knots as I played around with them.

Recalcitrant        Intractable       Froward      Obstreperous      Contumacious

Recusant       Balky       Incompliant       Sedition      Wayward     Rebellious  

The first thing that springs to my mind when I hear this word is the Civil Disobedience Movement that was launched by the freedom fighters to revolutionise the battle against British tyranny in India. The forefront idea of this movement was to not recognise the forced governance of the British on us by not following certain laws. Mahatma Gandhi was the forerunner of this movement and commenced it by going on the famous Salt Satyagraha.

Disobedience is listed as a destructive trait in most moral science texts and in general context too its seen as challenging authority which is not deemed good behaviour.

So is disobedience all bad?

[** I have illustrated parent child relationship in this post; though it can be in any kind of relationship/situation]

I don’t think so as I think it saved me from a life of misery and drudgery when I revolted and stepped out of my dead-end marriage. I was called out on it by my family and support for it was next to zero.

People go through phases of rebellion at least once in their life when they seem to be fighting out against parental authority or societal pressures.

Discovering self-love has made me realise what is not good for me and why I don’t want it. Again, I am seen as a rebel or a badly behaved child but I have my priorities straight and tend to say NO when I need to.

Standing up for oneself or one’s rights or what makes us happy- from choosing our lifestyle to career to life partner….; we have the right to do so and should do so. Yes these choices need to be made with some careful considerations and we need to be aware of their consequences too.

Not becoming a doctor when you are an artist at heart or marrying a muslim when you are a hindu – these are not disobedient acts but following one’s heart and one should not be afraid to step out of the zone to embrace them. At the same time, once must be well aware of how and where this will lead them in life and they must be strong enough to face it all.

But doesn’t Disobedience hurt?

Yes it does; especially when parents think that their child is acting out without thinking of them. Be it career choice or life partner – parents seem to want to control it all without taking into consideration what the child wants. So either the parents get hurt or the child does if he gives into his parents.

A girl who is a lesbian but fear of how her parents will react, settled into matrimony with a straight man. She fulfilled all the criteria of the perfect “bahu” and was the ideal daughter of her parents too. But in her heart she was miserable and couldnt bear to have sex with a man. Unable to cope, she killed herself leaving a sea of people behind her who cant figure out what went wrong.

Depression and suicide are the silent co-partners of disobedience for a person acts out in defiance under them without giving any justification or fighting actively for anything.

So either be disobedient and hurt people or suffer silently?

I have pondered a lot over this and can truthfully say there is not easy way out of it. The key is understanding and compassion between parents and children not control and anger. Talking about things in a healthy and open manner, treating children as adults and hearing them out goes a long way in making this work for the better.

Sadly I havent come across many healthy examples of parenting around me. I have friends and cousins (older/younger) who all have suffered somewhat over this and have either broken out of it or chosen to accept it. But the underlying resentment towards their parents hasnt mitigated in either scenarios and there is a lot of angst in their relationships with their parents.

There is either repression or depression – both unhealthy and destructive to the person and their relationships. Not just with their parents/child but with others as well.

My parting take on it would be to “Live and let live!”

terminal-nostalgia-write-tribe-problogger-challenge-write-bravely-pattern-bankWhat do you think about it? Should disobedience be encouraged? Should it be used as the last measure in every argument?

This post has been written for the #writetribeproblogger challenge October 2017 and the prompt for today is Disobedience.

If you would like to read the posts on previous prompts:

#writetribe #writebravely

I’m taking part in the Write Tribe ProBlogger Challenge.

Monday-musings-rape-stalk-women-safety- romance-hindi-movies-obsession-mutilation-consentLinking it up with #MondayMusings with Corinne


Facebook Comments

32 thoughts on “Disobedience [ #WriteBravely]

  1. I totally agree with the points you touched upon. It can be difficult to stand up for your choices because at times our choices not only affect ours but also the lives of other people related to us!

    1. Yes thats true Nibha- the fear of hurting or disappointing is large when we do think about it! Its a fine balancing act and only can be practiced if we behave maturely and get others to see our point too!

  2. I have suffered enough in this whole thing and makes no sense to indulge in self-harm. It’s better to make the self happy, though it appears selfish but disobedience as I view it should be maximum amount of good over evil. The points are discussed in an objective and healthy way.

    1. Thanks Vishal; I am so saddened by young deaths over thing like no communications between parents and child; I lost someone very close over this and wish more and more people would learn that they are very important!!!

  3. Societal norms are such that you have to follow what the parents believe in, even if it is outdated and may not work for you. Going against them and following your heart is labelled as disobedience. But as you rightly mentioned, it is better to be ‘disobedient’ than sulk, suffer and resent!!

  4. We have the right to live just one life – ours. So, we need to live it on our terms, and deal with the consequences. If doing that is seen as disobedience, then so be it.

  5. Sometimes, its for our own good. Rebelling against norms and choosing a different way of life – we need this kind of disobedience. Specially in a society like ours where a fight becomes a necessity for the survival of our dreams. I am glad you were brave to have stepped out of your marriage and chose a life that made you happy. Love your spirit.

    1. Thanks so much Raj for that vote of confidence! It was a scary decision to move out as the future looked so uncertain not to mention the ocean of hurt of a broken relationship!! But it needed to be done and I am glad I had the guts to be disobedient for I am in a much happy state now 🙂

  6. As the world is changing, the parenting style also had undergone a subtle change. If i check the parenting style of my parents and me as a parent to two kids, i see that few basic principles r same but everything else is not matching at all. Now the children get their say in matters related to them and that to family too. Suffocation that our generation has felt, hopefully is not felt by gen next.
    Shalini, your post made me wear a thinking cap. I m scrutinizing my parenting style! Hope to weed out all that go against, “Live n let live” principal.
    – Anagha

  7. I can so relate with it Shalz! When i said no to marriage to my parents because i am not mentally prepared to share my life with another person, the reactions were traumatic! Even today i get to hear taunts from my mom occasionally and my dad though he told me that he would never force me to get married and doesn’t speak much about it, i feel he was not able to digest the fact. And relatives crossing that line and trying to emotionally blackmail me by talking about my lil sis and how it would be difficult to find a match for her if i am not married! But i let nothing effect me as for me My happiness is above all. I suffered all my life in worst possible way be it abuse or betrayal or lack of trust from loved ones..but i chose not to hurt myself anymore and lead my life as i want it to be! You are one of the few bloggers i could connect to emotionally and virtually made a friend who i could connect to! Love and hugs! Be the same and do not compromise your life for anyone!

    1. Thank you for such a warm and heartfelt comment Keerthi- I have loved interacting with you too and feel the connection is pretty strong and mutual!!
      More power to you and your decision to stay single till you are mentally prepared for it! Pls dont heed a ear to the infamous rant of how it affects your younger sister’s chances- thats all bull!!!
      Stay happy and stay blessed!!! Hugs

  8. Yeah. It’s better to be disobedient and have a happy life later than enter into marriage earlier than one has to, I feel. That’s one place I’m quite sure of my decision. Because while parents and family members are part of that marriage, it is your life, and that of your partner’s that gets affected by the decision.

  9. This is such an insightful post. I am glad I read this. You have studied the various facets of disobedience in such a wonderful manner. Yes at times voicing your opinion and standing against wrong is amounted to disobedience.

    1. So true Meha; thanks for liking this post and agreeing with my viewpoints. I was afraid very few people will understand what I am trying to say here. 🙂

  10. I think the problem is in the thinking that disobedience is bad. We never think what caused that particular behaviour or the thought process behind it. Listening and understanding plays a crucial part in it. Sadly, we live in a time when logical thinking has taken a backseat. Toe the line or go away seems to be the mantra. Loved reading this thought-provoking piece, Shalini.

    1. Thanks so much Sreedeep; your comment has brought so much positive thought to my post. Happy to see such thoughful comments here! 🙂

  11. Always a tricky one Shalz. One will end up hurting others or themselves, we cannot make everyone happy including ourselves. A person must choose wisely as the price to be paid can be high. loved your thoughts on this

    1. Thanks so much Aks; yes its true that our happiness does cost us the pain we end up giving our loved ones but its important for us to be happy too!!

  12. Indeed there should be open communication between parents and children. I hope a better understanding of each other’s needs is only possible if we do not force our views on children. They should be allowed to make their choices. And always always hear them out.

    1. Yes Aesha thats exactly what it should be – no forcing your views on the children and help them to make up their mind by guiding them through their decision making!

  13. I get your point here in terms of standing up for oneself and one’s rights, being able to rebel against things such as conservative views but I wonder — is that non-conformity as opposed to disobedience? Or are they both the same? In any case, I’m all for non-conformity or disobedience because that’s how change occurs.

    1. Yes Sanch – agreed! Change occurs with no conformity only! I totally support it and its done a world of wonder for my life! I really feel sorry for folks who dont stand up for themselves and just take things lying down because they would rather be miserable than upset the apple cart.

  14. I think sometimes that while our parents do mean the best for us, we have to be disobedient in order to achieve our own happiness. It might not be exactly what our parents want for us, but it might be what’s best for us in the long run. As long as we are happy and the choices we make don’t take us down too dark a path, I think that’s what really matters.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.