” When you know how to use it, Disobedience can be a virtue.” – Paulo Cohelo
The dictionary definition of the word Disobedience is a failure or a refusal to comply to rules or someone’s authority. I found some delish sounding synonyms of this word too which had my tongue-tied up in knots as I played around with them.
Recalcitrant Intractable Froward Obstreperous Contumacious
Recusant Balky Incompliant Sedition Wayward Rebellious
The first thing that springs to my mind when I hear this word is the Civil Disobedience Movement that was launched by the freedom fighters to revolutionise the battle against British tyranny in India. The forefront idea of this movement was to not recognise the forced governance of the British on us by not following certain laws. Mahatma Gandhi was the forerunner of this movement and commenced it by going on the famous Salt Satyagraha.
Disobedience is listed as a destructive trait in most moral science texts and in general context too its seen as challenging authority which is not deemed good behaviour.
So is disobedience all bad?
[** I have illustrated parent child relationship in this post; though it can be in any kind of relationship/situation]
I don’t think so as I think it saved me from a life of misery and drudgery when I revolted and stepped out of my dead-end marriage. I was called out on it by my family and support for it was next to zero.
People go through phases of rebellion at least once in their life when they seem to be fighting out against parental authority or societal pressures.
Discovering self-love has made me realise what is not good for me and why I don’t want it. Again, I am seen as a rebel or a badly behaved child but I have my priorities straight and tend to say NO when I need to.
Standing up for oneself or one’s rights or what makes us happy- from choosing our lifestyle to career to life partner….; we have the right to do so and should do so. Yes these choices need to be made with some careful considerations and we need to be aware of their consequences too.
Not becoming a doctor when you are an artist at heart or marrying a muslim when you are a hindu – these are not disobedient acts but following one’s heart and one should not be afraid to step out of the zone to embrace them. At the same time, once must be well aware of how and where this will lead them in life and they must be strong enough to face it all.
But doesn’t Disobedience hurt?
Yes it does; especially when parents think that their child is acting out without thinking of them. Be it career choice or life partner – parents seem to want to control it all without taking into consideration what the child wants. So either the parents get hurt or the child does if he gives into his parents.
A girl who is a lesbian but fear of how her parents will react, settled into matrimony with a straight man. She fulfilled all the criteria of the perfect “bahu” and was the ideal daughter of her parents too. But in her heart she was miserable and couldnt bear to have sex with a man. Unable to cope, she killed herself leaving a sea of people behind her who cant figure out what went wrong.
Depression and suicide are the silent co-partners of disobedience for a person acts out in defiance under them without giving any justification or fighting actively for anything.
So either be disobedient and hurt people or suffer silently?
I have pondered a lot over this and can truthfully say there is not easy way out of it. The key is understanding and compassion between parents and children not control and anger. Talking about things in a healthy and open manner, treating children as adults and hearing them out goes a long way in making this work for the better.
Sadly I havent come across many healthy examples of parenting around me. I have friends and cousins (older/younger) who all have suffered somewhat over this and have either broken out of it or chosen to accept it. But the underlying resentment towards their parents hasnt mitigated in either scenarios and there is a lot of angst in their relationships with their parents.
There is either repression or depression – both unhealthy and destructive to the person and their relationships. Not just with their parents/child but with others as well.
My parting take on it would be to “Live and let live!”
What do you think about it? Should disobedience be encouraged? Should it be used as the last measure in every argument?
This post has been written for the #writetribeproblogger challenge October 2017 and the prompt for today is Disobedience.
If you would like to read the posts on previous prompts:
Linking it up with #MondayMusings with Corinne