** This post is inspired by a status message shared by one of my FB friends on her profile – Vinita Jain please take a bow!!! **
I am sure there were a few chuckles on reading the title of this post for some point in all of our lives we are guilty of letting others take us for granted.
But why do we do that?
Is it because we can’t stand up for ourselves?
Or perhaps we don’t want to create strife?
Maybe we feel the other person is right as we are not confident of our opinion?
My vote goes to not wanting to appear discordant and displease the other person, for inherently we all are people pleaser. This is the prime reason why we let people take us for granted.
None of us wants to be judged acrimonious as we are eager for acceptance; be it in a peer group, family circle or even a personal relationship. Most of us are not confident of our choices and seek to follow the leader as it’s the easier way out. So upsetting the apple cart is not the norm for us.
But how does this affect the “other” person? I mean always being right and having people accept their decision without a question might make them feel superior?
Well it does and that’s where the problem begins.
This “other” person gets so used to this power that they start taking us for granted. Be it our support to stand behind them, make time for them or simply to wait for them to notice us. – we prefer to acquiesce without any complaints.
I used to be one such people pleaser, till I got too hurt to care anymore.
I had a “friend” in school who used me as a sidekick to make fun of and look good in front of the “cool” kids. I liked her and felt grateful that she noticed me, so went along with it till it became a habit for her and she went OTT with it one day. It ended badly as I snapped all ties with her. Years later we met in Gurgaon as career women settling into new marriages; I responded positively to her initiatives till I realised that a leopard doesn’t change its spots. She was still in high school with her pettiness and bitchy disposition while I had matured and moved on.
I worked for this woman who I started to idolize as she was everything I wanted to be – Smart, confident, outgoing and winsome. Initially, she praised me a lot and made me feel her equal; but then she started putting me down in front of clients / contractors as it made her look good. She would use my technical inputs and make them sound her own while I would stand there mutely. Eventually I walked out of this work relationship too; but did tell her that that’s all she was to me. I had learnt my lesson from the prima donna in my school life.
Both the cases I was in awe of these women and didn’t want to appear dumb or stupid by disagreeing with them. Both took advantage of my gullibility and low self-esteem.
Both cases, the loss is theirs. They took me for granted and lost my respect for them in the process; for you see I wasnt afraid to walk out on either one of them.
” You have got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served.” – Nina Simone
Yes it took time for me to do so, but I did manage to do so. I guess the biggest reason for me to step away from these people was self-love. I accepted my worth as an individual; more importantly that worth wasnt dependant on being liked by people like these women.
I have overcome my fear of not having “anyone” with me as at the end of the day we are all alone. There are no guarantees on one hand that someone we tie ourselves too, will last our lifetime and on the other hand there is always a supportive inner circle of well wishers wherever we go.
Live life on your terms, do only as much as you can manage and be honest to yourself – that is my mantra of life and I give a damn for anyone who doesn’t understand or “minds”.
What say folks? Do you realise when you have started to take someone for granted and rectify it? What happens when its you who is being taken for granted? I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Linking with Corinne for #MondayMusings – do share your post link with me please
Linking up with Mackenzie for the #mg linky
If you wish to read my previous #MondayMusings posts, you can grab them here: